Seduce an Italian Woman by Patrick Waldo
If you are a foreign male it is almost impossible!!!
Italian Futurist Tomasso Marinetti wrote a treatise called ‘How to Seduce Women’ during World War I in which he equated seduction as the Italian past time and used it to instill national pride in Italy’s soldiers. What better way to stir up your troops than to tell them they are better lovers, and have always been, than their enemies? Indeed, the Italian approach to love has been glorified for hundreds of years in operas, in art, and in popular conceptions of the people. Italians are a passionate bunch and, with their wine, food, and easy approach to life, an Italian love would top any experience traveling or studying in Florence.
Life and death have been eliciting passions in Italy since well before Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. When you speak to an Italian about a girl he’s going after, he speaks as if without this one woman he will die (even if he is going after many girls), maybe even feigning or threatening suicide. An Italian friend of mine took an American girl he was going after on a moped ride to Fiesole in an exhilarating, near death experience to one of the most beautiful and romantic spots in Italy. With so many sensations and emotions felt while clutching the back of a madman on two wheels coupled with a sexy accent, it’s no wonder Italian men have the reputation they do the world over. Plus with their capris, absurdly ornate cocktails (mojitos are a man’s drink here), and funny hand gestures, it’s understandable how amusing and exhilarating they might be for an American girl. Italian men aren’t all the catcallers in the streets.
With a long history of seducing women, how are we American supposed to compete? So, you’re an American guy and you’re studying in Florence. You’ve done a bit of reading on Italy and you know that this country has 12.5% unemployment, the second lowest birthrate in the world, and an unfortunate fashion trend of mullets and faux hawks, terrible techno music, and oversized sunglasses. You wonder what the attraction is all about. But before you try and repopulate this beautiful country single-handedly like Genghis Kahn, you should know a few things, before I tell you of how I met my Italian girlfriend.
I have good news and bad news, mostly bad. As an American, your chances with an Italian woman are 0% and if you don’t speak the language it’s even worse. Compared to our Italian competitors, American students studying abroad get characterized as uncultured, spineless, and boring, not to mention all the controversial politics involved with being an American abroad. Telling them you’re Canadian won’t help. And we’re not even close to having a good soccer team to make up the difference (unfortunately here Mia Hamm doesn’t count). Essentially, we are out of our element. As a friend once told me, you need to start with Americans, then maybe Brits, then French or Germans or Slovenians, circling slowly around nations surrounding Italy before you might even get an Italian woman to give you her number.
The deck of cards is stacked against us, but there is hope. First, I would suggest living with a host family that has kids your age or with an Italian student, or try to find clubs or bars where mostly Italians hang out. The more Italians you know the easier and more fun it will be to meet other Italians and Italian women. I was lucky and was placed with a university student here. You will have some of the best experiences of your life in Florence and meeting Italians makes that experience more worthwhile. Your language will get better, but don’t worry if Italian is new to you. Italians are very understanding. I have made so many mistakes speaking here, but they end up being endearing and usually funny. I went to college in Iowa and tried talking about cows, ‘muca’, on my first date with an Italian girl, but instead I started talking about mucous, ‘muco’. Similarly, I said I didn’t like the pollution in Florence, but used the word ‘polluzione’ which means wet dream. All she did was laugh and kindly correct me. So, don’t worry about sounding stupid or having trouble with your rolled R’s, because they already think you’re a stupid American and don’t expect you to say much.
All you can do is impress them and the best place is humor. Mixed with American friendliness and our out-going nature, our comedy, wit, and irony are very popular here. They have Roberto Benigni and we have Seinfeld, the Simpsons, Family Guy, and an infinite list of comedic content to draw upon. Italian humor is mostly lost on me, but I can say that Italians like physical humor, puns, and the absurdities of daily life. Somehow I have been able to make my girlfriend laugh, and being able to do that is attractive for any woman. Italians are story tellers. So, prepare to use your hands, body, and facial expressions to reenact a story or a funny moment. Your accent is also endearing, just as foreign accents are interesting for us, and it helps captivate someone listening to you.
So my story? I met my girlfriend while I was with my friends in Santo Spirito. We were on the steps of the church drinking a beer (€ 1.60 for a big moretti from the asia market) with friends and just chatting and meeting people next to me. So I met her with her friends and soon our combined group were pedaling off to her friend’s house to hang out. As I didn’t have a bike, I was on the back of this huge German dude’s bike, which wasn’t exactly the most comfortable of situations. There, her friend made a simple pasta dish with garlic and hot peppers and we were chatting and laughing away. After meeting her a couple times, and me not asking her number because I thought it was impossible, on July 4 our independence day and the day Italy beat Germany, she asked my number and a coffee date, which was certainly a shock to me. And the rest is history…
You might be thinking, that’s it?! I will leave you with some last advice. Northerners tend to be colder and Florentines tend to get the bad rap of being pretentious, while Southerners tend to be much friendlier and outgoing. Italian women, in general, tend to be strong willed and certainly wouldn’t think twice about turning down someone. However, take a lesson from the Italian way of living. The laws and bureaucracy here are ridiculous; however, if there is a way around something, an Italian will find it. La Furbizia (Cleverness) is a highly prized trait. So, if an Italian girl says no, it just means you need to romantically and cleverly sweep her off her feet. No easy task, but, with the best seducers in the world as their opposite sex, you are going to have to step up to the challenge.
My trick was humor and clever puns on my own mistakes and mispronunciations, but that’s who I am anyways. I prefer bars and hangouts to clubs in general. Personally, I have never been good at picking up women at clubs, mostly because I can’t hear anything over the music and shortly after I buy someone a drink I usually find them dancing, drink in hand, with another guy. But, if you’re a club going guy, they are a blast here. All I suggest is to learn about the culture and talk about your impressions. The heart of it all is that it’s two people meeting each other. The rest is in the movies and here in Florence you have a beautiful setting to create your own love story.